This will go over an additional two dysfunctional anger styles so you can learn to control your anger. Didn’t you know life is all right or wrong? You’re a victor or victim or don’t belong. There is no question that life’s bleak or white Forget ambiguity when hooked on Freud-lite. What happened to subtlety and shades of gray? The world’s drinking and shrinking its brain cells away. The rage stirred by mental oppression compels this Shrink Rap regression confession.
Lets outline three dysfunctional anger styles:
“Planning to Get Even,”
“Consuming Anger” and
Frequent Flasher: This reactive individual is a fiery flame thrower who’s quick to be triggered. The “Flasher” doesn’t just expose himself but he is often feeling exposed as well. I’ve labeled this explosive type the “HE man.” Two underlying complexes are driving this aggressive, impatient, hyper person, thinly disguised with sparks and smoke.
“H” stands for “Humiliation.”
The first is the “H” type, where the letter “H” stands for “Humiliation.” Due to often thinking and feeling rejected, or feeling shown up, and deep-seated unworthiness, this type of person (whether man or woman) explodes with anger. Again, that ager is seated in feeling less than and trying to cover it up rather than realizing and dealing directly with the underlying feelings.
“E” is for “Emptiness“
“E” is for “Emptiness,” brought on by separation anxiety and feelings of abandonment whenever they feel threatened, which can often be. Again, please, I don’t discriminate against men or women because they both can display these patterns. A HE man personality type can be either male or female.
There’s hope for both these types if they can be led to see their patterns and acknowledge their problematic style. I recall a US State Department manager who finally realized he had to control his temper tantrums. He devised this strategy: in the middle of a typical, increasingly heated blood-starting-to-boil meeting, Mr. Manager would suddenly announce, “Excuse me, I just remembered, I need to photocopy some documents. I’ll be back in five minutes.” He’d leave his startled antagonist, walk outside or find a deserted office or bathroom, shout some expletives, and then return. Now he could deliver his anger in an adult manner.
The Holy Smolder: Some people try holding back their anger, being aware of their Mount St. Helens potential. Others feel a show of anger is a weakness; either you’ve allowed others to get to you, or it’s a sign of your being out of control. With this rigid and righteous thinking, there is no need to wonder why some folks are early candidates for heart attacks. In fact, much research has shown that people who tend to hold their rage inside often do have heart attacks. Plus, common psychotherapy for heart attack patients is to teach them to diffuse their thinking, rather than just stuffing it. They need to learn to turn it off rather than just not show it. Holding rage inside can be deadly. )
So they smolder away until they implode (high blood pressure, major depression) or explode (“Volcanus Erupts” Syndrome). And the time between eruptions usually decreases over the years, so the episodes happen more and more frequently. The susceptible person here is often the “SHE man,” the psychic partner to the “HE men.”
The “S” stands for “Savior.”
The “S” stands for “Savior.” This individual isn’t much of an individual, more one who blindly and self-righteously upholds “the one right way.”
This Savior Style personality is often ready to sacrifice or give advice…at for a price that you are expected to pay: unquestioned loyalty and everlasting appreciation. If you fail to deliver that loyalty and appreciation, watch out!
I’ll finish up the anger style profile next time. Until then, just remember…Practice Safe Stress!
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